How To Prepare for the Impending Apocalypse [New Article]

Photo by Connor Danylenko from Pexels

I have a new piece published on Slackjaw. This is not the piece, but instead a link and some context. Feel free to pop over for a read and come back...I'll wait. (Read here)

You back yet?

Hello?

Welcome back.

When I woke up a couple of weeks ago the California sky was a deep orange. As someone obsessed with doom, I may spend more time thinking about the terrible state of the world in the year 2020 than you. People who are more optimistic than I, may see 2020 as a speed bump in an otherwise perfect existence. I envy the [pick a word: optimist, ignorant, hopeful, delusional]. It's easy to ignore politics, an invisible disease, your ever-expanding waist size, but it's much harder to ignore natural disasters (or even gender reveal related disasters).

So when I woke up and a blanket a smoke blocked out the already elusive bay area sun, I did what I do best. I wrote an absurd preparation guide inspired by every post-apocalypse movie trope I could think of. (Shout out Walking Dead, Mad Max, The Book of Eli, Wall-E.)

The article serves two diametrically opposed purposes. First to use humor and exaggeration to point out how unlikely disaster really is. Nothing really matters so let's make jokes. The second purpose is to ironically mock the normalization of tragedy and disaster to show how serious the state of the world truly is. But I wrote the whole thing in about 20 minutes on my phone so...laugh at the jokes and move on.

FYI: the plethora of fires didn't burn down California this time. So, maybe bookmark the guide for the next inevitable disaster.

Photo by Derick Daily on Unsplash

Book Links and Other Sentences

If you've stumbled onto this page looking for information on how to buy my debut novel, Superficial Intelligence, you're in luck because you only have one option: Amazon. (Apologies if you have a firm no Amazon policy. I had no other choice.) I'm also going to put some other links if you want to check out the Good Reads page, leave a review, or check out some of my other things. This was my first novel, but assuming I summon enough energy to start working on the next idea, there will be another. So with that said: subscribe here, or Amazon, or Twitter, or sign up for my messenger pigeon pen pal program.

LINKS SO MANY LINKS

Amazon (link)

Amazon review page (link)

Good Reads (link)

Collection of other works (link)

Contact me to tell me a secret or something (link to the contact me page)

Here is a black and picture of me trying to look smart, mysterious and sexy (link)

Superficial Intelligence Out Now (pre-order)!

Hey everyone,

I am excited to announce my new book Superficial Intelligence is up on Amazon now and will be officially published 7/18.

The Kindle is available for pre-order, but the paperback will only be available on the publishing date (7/18). I will be spamming all platforms on that day trying to get everyone to purchase the book. How Amazon works, they rank your book based on daily sales. So if you have already decided you are going to read the book (because either you find me irresistibly entertaining or you hate me and you want to make fun of my crappy book), I encourage you to pre-order or buy it day-of.

If you not sure if you want to read it, I'll I gotta say is: come on, just read it. Also, not sure if this is encouragement or a deterrent, but the more books I can sell, the more likely I will be to write another one.

Oh, yeah. Just a quick note about the importance of rating and reviewing, Amazon algorithms, and all that good stuff. It's important. So be sure to rate and review on day 1 (Am I encouraging you to blindly rate and review? Yes.) (Review here day-of). If you ask nicely (or at all) I can probably send you an advanced digital copy.

Thanks all.